MISCELLANEOUS

PROMINENT GIRLIE-MAN ADDRESSES ARNOLD

Jerusalem 9/1/04 – Self-described “girlie-man” Jesus H. Christ today took issue with a remark made last night by California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger in his keynote address to the Republican National Convention in New York City: “Now, there's another way you can tell you’re a Republican. You have faith in free enterprise, faith in the resourcefulness of the American people and faith in the U.S. economy. And to those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say: Don’t be economic girlie-men.”

Jesus H. Christ image

The normally reclusive Christ – like Schwarzenegger, a “once-scrawny” immigrant to the U.S. – spoke by telephone from his seaside retreat in Galilee. “The Governor told us where his faith lies; let’s just say that I’m personally disappointed. And I can only assume his final comment was aimed at me as well.” Legend has it that in his beardless youth, Christ was often the butt of cruel jokes.

“Being a girlie-man does’t seem to have hindered me in building a successful, highly competitive transnational. If anything, it’s helped,” clearly a reference to Christ’s continuing successes in recruiting international leadership to his RC subsidiary, despite its scandal-plagued American division. He went on to remind the governor that he remains unaffiliated with any political party.

Distrustful of the touch-screen voting machines used in 2003 where he is registered, Christ declared, “I plan to vote absentee, although they don’t make it easy in Hartford,” referring to the restrictions placed on voters in Connecticut, as well as Rhode Island, Massachusetts, Kentucky, Mississippi, Alabama, and battleground states Pennsylvania, Missouri, and Ohio.